Independence

I can't decide if today's beautiful thing is really a good thing or not.

That's not entirely true.  I know it's a good thing... I'm just not sure I like it that much right now.

See what you think.

Today I participated in the rare class party for one of my daughters.  I'm not saying the parties are rare, I'm saying my participation in them is rare.  I am not the mom who is in the classroom each week helping in the library or with math stuff or walking track or anything like that.  Not that being that mom is a bad thing.  I'm sure I should help out more.  But when the list is passed around at Back to School Night and all the slots are filled, I do sigh with relief.

But the call went out for help with an Amazing Race type Halloween party for 4th graders and I thought, "Now that's the type of party I can help with.  No 25 kids stuck in a room sucking down sugar at an alarming rate.  Fresh air.  Games.  All good."  (Not to mention that the last class party I helped with, I got thrown up at - not on, thank goodness!).

I kept my participation a secret from my daughter.  I thought she'd enjoy the surprise.  But I'm pretty sure the 3 yr old gave it away.  So I show up expecting a look of shock and pleasure and a huge hug... and I got a wave.  From across the room.  Oh, and a half smile.

So the party commenced and she did her part in the race.  And did not even say "Hi" to me when she was at my station.

Then they all went into the classroom to decorate a cookie.

Still no acknowledgement of my presence.  (At least she gave the 3 yr old a chocolate chip.)

Ahhhhh, independence.  I guess this is what I am here for - to train her up to be an independent person who does not need to rely on her mother.  And she is that - already - at 9.

I know it will serve her well as she gets older.  She will be brave enough to go to that college away from friends, or travel alone, or take that job in another country.  She will not need to rely on a man to define who she is, or friends to do the same.

She will be her own person - independent (and confident).

And that truly is a beautiful thing.  But right now the thought of it hurts a bit.